


snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

by shipcat



Series: Naruto Event Work [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Gen, He has no excuse, He is literally a curse, Just a bastard man, M/M, Sasori is just a bastard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-09-19 18:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipcat/pseuds/shipcat
Summary: [...that's what assholes are made of.]Naruto x HP Crossover DrabblesChapters One: A certain redhead is up to no good. His best friend knows this, and resents it. (Sasori/Tobirama, pre-slash, Naruto Magic Week).





	snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years before Kakuzu is a professor and Hidan a centaur, a certain redhead is up to no good. His best friend knows this, and resents it. (Sasori/Tobirama, pre-slash).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This drabble details the descent of Sasori of the House of Slytherin. To be continued in later installments.
> 
> Published as a part of Naruto Magic Week 2019, Prompt: "Mischief Managed."
> 
> I put this here to keep my Harry Potter AUs all in one place. There is no need to read the other chapters to get this, though I highly recommend you take a look, as they contain art by the lovely WrithingBeneathYou.
> 
>  **Note:** Alihotsy (also known as the Hyena tree) is a magical tree. The leaves of the plant can induce hysteria and uncontrollable laughter. 
> 
> **No-Maj:** Non-Magical Person.

 

 

In year six, Sasori began to study without Tobirama.

Not with anyone else, either, but on his own, in murky corners where no one else lingered, crouching over books with magic-censored titles. His grades slipped, his kohl smudged, his fingers thinned and his nails chipped; he was more of a waif than a young man. It was Dark Arts, obviously. Very nearly a textbook case; Tobirama wouldn't be surprised if he spoke to snakes, had he not despised them so. (The number one irony of his house placement.)

Why Sasori would dabble in such crude magic, Tobirama had no idea. It was, certainly, Dark. Certainly, dangerous. Nature was a kind mistress until her laws were broken, and Sasori was fast testing her patience.

He could see it in the way that the wind howled that winter. When the flowers in the Great Lake, normally visible through the Slytherin dorm windows, refused to bloom that vernal equinox. When the fish disappeared from the lake; when the sun refused to shine. What little creatures they did see were horrid, bioluminescent and fanged; and, whenever Sasori left the room, they whipped their tails around and disappeared, leaving naught but a trail of bubbles.

It was not worth the risk, or the dark circles under Sasori’s honeyed eyes. Nor was it worth the slipping grades, the constant distraction, or the way he walked about the school, dazed and half-dreaming. More and more often, Tobirama caught his mind in a downward spiral of where’s and how’s and why’s and the morality of such things. His fellow Slytherin had ceased showing up for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Should he tell a teacher? The headmaster, a Prefect? Would it do any good, or force Sasori further down that path? The consequences were too steep and too many to fathom.

_What are you doing?_ He thought, watching Charmed leaves fall into a classmate’s potion. A light, powder blue fume floated off its silvery, bubbling surface.

It took a quarter-hour to take effect. His classmate snorted. Then chuckled. Then broke out into uproarious laughter. 

“Yasha?” A blonde girl put her hand on his, attempting comfort. “Baby brother? Yasha?” Her lips quirked; then twisted. Soon she was giggling too.

Sasori raised his hand. “Professor San,” he simply said, voice steady. “Something is wrong with Karura and Yashamaru." 

Tobirama watched as the teacher rushed over to give first aid. He lit the tip of his wand,  flashing it into their scared eyes. It wasn’t long before he was smirking, and before the smirk turned into a terrified guffaw.

“First rule of potions,” Sasori murmured to himself. 

_Always distance yourself from a bad brew,_ Tobirama finished, covering his mouth with his sleeve.

It happened in a flash. One second, the professor was attending to the Sahra siblings; in the next, he wheezing on the ground. A girl screamed. 

“I’m going to get help!” Mito, the Slytherin Seeker, announced, rushing into the dungeons. Two Quidditch players jolted to the aid of the dragging the professor out of the room and to safety. A stampede of students soon followed.

Sasori was not among them. Not for several minutes, when he slipped into the mob with mischief on his lips.

Tobirama was not impressed. “Where were you?” he demanded, voice low and controlled.

“Right here,” Sasori lied. Tobirama knew it. “You just couldn’t see me over the other students.”

Tobirama waited for the Head of Slytherin to dismiss them from classes, pulling his friend into a dusty, unused corridor.

“Someone put Alihosty into Karura and Yasha’s drought,” Tobirama explained, crossing his arms. 

The redhead looked up at him, unimpressed. “And?” 

“And Professor San is deathly allergic to such,” he explained, tapping his fingers irritatedly. 

“Is that so?” Sasori, at least, had the decency to look interested.

“He told our class so at the start of the year.” 

“Mm." He stood his ground. "Now that you mention it -” 

“Enough.” Tobirama interrupted him. “Whoever did this could get expelled. Do you know what that means?” 

“I don’t know,” Sasori drawled. “Educate me.” 

“Don’t play dumb. You aren't. It won't work.” The Senju stalked closer, green-silver snakes glittering off his uniform. The runes on his face crawled - sharpening, lengthening - then snapped back into place. 

Tobirama stepped away, channeling all his rage into a frown. “That person,” he said, knowing full well who that person was, “Will be expelled. They won’t graduate. Their wand will be snapped, their privileges revoked, and they will be forced to live on the dredges of society like a common no-Maj.” 

Sasori didn’t even blink. “That is the common punishment for attempted murder.”

“The _lenient_ punishment,” Tobirama reminded him.  

“Hm.” He pushed himself away from the wall, wiping mildew on his robes. “They better not get caught, then,” he mutely replied, pushing past Tobirama and into the Slytherin Common Rooms.

And, as it turned out, they were not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy [@ThatShipCat](https://naruto-magic-week.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D>Naruto%20Magic%20Week</a>%20Everyone!%0A%0ASasori%20isn't%20done%20with%20dear%20professor%20San,%20while%20Tobirama%20is%20SO%20done%20with%20his%20friend.%20What%20do%20you%20think%20will%20happen%20next?%0A%0AKudos%20or%20comment%20below,%20or%20catch%20me%20on%20Tumblr%20<a%20href=).

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it, let us know with a kudos, or comment if you'd like <3


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